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 This is a poem that I wrote several years ago that I wanted to share.

Tornados swirl above,
 Carrying chaos,
 And mental abuse.
I ask for help,
                                                               Seeking refuge,
                                                                Sheltering myself,
                                                               With the love from above.
                                                                The winds die down.
                                                                 The storm ceases.
                                                                     Serenity enters my soul.
                                                                        I live  for the moment,
                                                                   And pray for the rest.
                                                                     Life no longer lives me,
                                                                   And I begin to live.
                                                                 Holding the hand
                                                                Of the one who has
                                                              Now become
                                                                My best friend.

                                                              written: 5-3-08

 
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"We aren't poor, we just aren't wealthy." These words were spoken from my daughter last night. It struck me  that she could see it that way, when I have been over burdened and stressed out about money. I worry that I am not doing the best for my children, that I can not give them everything that they were used to at my sisters. I have a much smaller home, they have to share a room, we can't go and do things, and there are times that I have had to wonder if we were going to make it through the week with what money we had. I have considered us poor. My boyfriend works six days a week to take care of us, for which, I am ever so greatfull. I can't work due to my seizuire disorder, and other health issues. The kids have felt the difference, my daughter even told me once that she "didn't know if she was ready for all of this", but since then she has embraced our situation, and tries to find ways to help. I habe been in worse situations, I have lived in run down motels, not knowing if I was going to have  roof over my head that night or a next meal, so I need to be more greatful and look at things from my daughters point of view. I have a roof over my head, food in the refridgerator, cable TV, internet, cars, and many other things that others do not.  So next time any of us stress about what is going on with our finances, look around you and see what you do have. Then do something for someone less fortunate. The kids and I donated clothes to a church that gives them away for free. That way the true homeless, and the truely poor can have some clothes. There are al kinds of things you can do for others and it will ultimately make you feel good about yourself. When all else fails....Love Never Fails. 

 
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May 1st, 2012 was an answer to many of prayers that I had prayed over the years. I had been told that God asnwers prayers in His time, not yours. I knew that, yet I was getting restless, depressed, and strating to feel as if my children would never live under the same roof as I. I had already missed so many birthdays, holidays, and first days of school. Today I got one of those days! It is the first day of school, and I got to do all the mom stuff to prapare them for today. Then came the moment I had been waiting for all these years; I put them on the bus. That may seem trivial to many, but for many this meant I had done my job, and now it was up to them to grow and learn. My three months of real parenting may not of affected them much on their schooling, because they are both very intellegent kids. I have to thank my sister for her part in that. She did a great job! Now it is my turn, and I know that I can do this beacuse I have strength through God. He got me here, and He believed that I was ready to be Mom again, and I will not let Him down.  Nor will I let my family,friends, myself, and most importantly the kids down. It's may sound as if I am putting alot on myself, especially while being sick, and my disorder does make it challenging at times. Again from my faith I have been told that God never puts more on you that you can handle, and I keep with the motto I learned in NA "Just for Today". With those in mind I know that I will make it, I also know that......Love Never Fails.

 
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As long as there is divorce,  families will be splitting up and going their seperate ways. Then somewhere along the way someone falls in love again, and a new family is formed, a new complicated family. I myself am a product a divorced parents, and of stepparents getting divorced from my parents. As a child I never saw the politics that came along with divorce. Yes, I knew there were complications, just never really saw the whole picture until now. Combining my children and their family, with my boyfriends daughter and her family, hasn't been as easy as we thought it to be. Everyone  involved seems to want what they want for the all the kids, and compromise sometimes seems difficult without hurting someone's feelings. I myself, am a people pleaser, I like it when everyone around me is happy, then I know I have done my job. Pleaseing everyone is getting harder and harder these days. It really bothers me the most when the kids are the ones who feelings are hurt, because after all the rest of us are adults and know what the parameters of the situation are, yet we still make promises that can't be fullfilled. Trying to combine two households into one is hard, I shed tears, so have the kids. Maybe there will never be exact instructions for this element of life, but what I do know is that..... Love Never Fails.

 
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For many centuries all siblings have had a rivalry with one another. Brothers picking on sisters, grossing them out, and tattling on them. Sisters are always trying to out do the other at what ever it is they are doing. My sister and I have been doing it for years. Even though I am the oldest I still feel the need to try and out do her some times. We no longer have that close best friend relationship we use to have, instead I feel we have a competion, and I don't like it at all.
Now watching my two children, they are doing the same thing, just at a much earlier age. Did my sister and I teach this to them?  Or is this different? I hate when they fight constantly, and tell each other that they wish they were an only child, and that they hate each other. I wish that they could see how precious  having each other is, and they are hurting a lifetime bond. Or am I going overboard here? Should I let them fight it out, and at the end of the day everything will be okay. I'm still so new to all this, that some times I just go blank. Afraid to ask for help, because I will feel like a failure as a parent, and afraid someone will take them away form me again. I wanrt to be a super mom, and have all the answers, and know how to do it all perfectly. I watch the "traditional moms" out there and feel like "WOW, they have got all together".  Or are they just like me, feeling there way through this, and have no clue either? I may not have the answers, but what I do know is....... Love Never Fails!

 
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I love when I get phone calls from my mother. The one I got last night was a little different than others. She was a little emotional, and remanencant from the past. My mom's story and mom are a like  in some ways. Only she never regained custody of my sister and I.
My mom has always told me to be a writer since I was young, so I want to dedicate this site and all my blogs to her. I also want this to be a forum for all women to share their stories with me, and the world. If you choose to do so, go to the contact page submit your story and I will repost your story or leave it in the comments area. I know that I am not the only woman out there whom is not a traditional mom. We don't talk about it out of shame, or embarassment. There is nothing to be ashamed of. We are all moms no matter the situation, and we all love our children deaply.  Stand op and be proud of where you are today, and how much fighting it took to get you here. You are worth it and remember......Love Never Fails.

 
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Welcome to my very first blog. The question was posed to me "why are you doing this?". I thought about it for a moment, and then answered: this a a forum for me to write what is on my mind, share what is like to not be a traditional mother, and when I feel down to find the positive, and hopefully maybe touch someone else with my story.
The last three months have been a time of transition for all of my family, not only the ones under my roof, but everyone. Some days are hard, and some days are easy. We have pushed each others buttons, we have laughed at each others jokes, and we have spent time getting to know who each other are. This summer has changed all of us forever. But I have to say it has been the best summer of my life! I have watched my two children who I barely knew three months ago, talk my head off and tell me everything, especially my daughter. My son dreams of being a football player, and can't wait till he can start playing in school.
Over all we have all learned alot about each other this summer. This week starts a new chapter in our new life when they go back to school, and I learn what is like to be a stay at home mom and "wife" as I call it. You see my boyfriend and I have lived together for 4 1/2 yrs now. But I wouldn't have gotten this far with out God, and the support of friends and family, so I must say thank you to them. Until next time......Love Never Fails!