Domestic ViolenceWhat is Battering
Battering is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person with whom an intimate relationship is or has been shared through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Battering happens when one person believes that they are entitled to control another. Intimate partner violence in intrinsically connected to the societal oppression of women, children, people of color, people with disabilities, people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans, elders, Jewish people, and other marginalized groups. While oppression functions in similar ways regardless of which group is targeted, different target groups have unique experiences of oppression stemming from their specific historic, cultural and social experiences and realities. The work to end domestic violence must necessarily include the fight against all oppressions. Domestic violence may include not only the intimate partner relationships of spousal, live-in partners and dating relationships, also familial, elder and child abuse may be present in a violent home. Abuse generally falls into one or more of the following categories: physical battering, sexual assault and emotional or psychological abuse, and generally escalates over a period of time. Victims of abuse may experience punched walls, control of finances, lying, using children to manipulate a parent's emotions, intimidation, isolation from family and friends, fear, shame, criticism, cuts, crying and afraid children, broken bones, confusion, forced sexual contact, manipulation, sexist comments, yelling, rages, craziness, harassment, neglect, shoving, screaming, jealousy and possessiveness, loss of self esteem, coercion, slammed doors, abandonment, silent treatment, rape, destruction of personal property, unwanted touching, name calling, strangling, ripping, slapping, biting, kicking, bruises, punching, stalking, scrapes, depression, sabotaging attendance at job or school, brainwashing, violence to pets, pinching, deprivation of physical and economic resources, public humiliation, broken promises, prevention of seeking medical and dental care, ridicule, restraining, self-medication, forced tickling, threats to harm family and friends, threats to take away the children, threats to harm animals, threats of being kicked out, threats of weapons, threats of being killed. Who is Battered In all cultures, batterers are most commonly male. Rural and urban women of all religious, ethnic, socio-economic and educational backgrounds, and of varying ages, physical abilities and lifestyles can be affected by domestic violence. There is not a typical woman who will be battered - the risk factor is being born female. Heterosexual males may also be victims of domestic violence as perpetrated by their female partners. They experience the same dynamics of interpersonal violence as female victims including experiences of disbelief, ridicule and shame that only enhance their silence. However, there are specific cultural groups whose peculiar vulnerabilities may put the members of that population at risk of experiencing violence in their relationships. Battered immigrant and refugee women in the United States have further complications by issues of gender, race socioeconomic status, immigration status and language in addition to those complications of intimate partner violence. A battered woman who is not a legal resident or whose immigrant status depends on her partner is isolated by cultural dynamics that may prevent her from leaving her husband, seeking support from local agencies that may not understand her culture or requesting assistance from an unfamiliar American legal system. Some obstacles may include a distrustful attitude toward the legal system, language and cultural barriers (that may at the least be unknown and at the worst hostile), and fear of deportation. Children witnessing domestic violence and living in an environment where violence occurs may experience some of the same trauma as abused children. Not all children are affected by domestic violence in the same way. Children may become fearful, inhibited, aggressive, antisocial, withdrawn, anxious, depressed, angry, confused; suffer from disturbed sleep, problems with eating, difficulties at school and challenges in making friends. Children often feel caught in the middle between their parents and find it difficult to talk to either of them. Adolescents may act out or exhibit risk-taking behaviors such as drug and alcohol use, running away, sexual promiscuity and criminal behavior. Young men may try to protect their mothers, or they may become abusive to their mothers themselves. Children may injured if they try to intervene in the violence in their homes. Individuals with physical, psychiatric and cognitive disabilities may not only experience sexual and domestic violence at a higher rate from intimate partners or spouses than the mainstream population, but, unlike the mainstream population, they may also experience mistreatment, abuse, neglect and exploitation from their caretakers, including personal assistants, paid staff, family members and parents. Examples can be the denial of medications and personal care, the use of psychotropic medication as a restraint, daily and intimate care mistreatment and neglect, inaccessible organizations and facilities, unavailable or disabling assistive technology devices essential for communication and movement, improper use of restraints and the denial of life-sustaining medical treatment and therapies. Yet, this population gets little attention from the community, the media or policy makers allowing the abuse to continue without restraint in isolation and apathy. Older battered women are a nearly invisible, yet tragically sizable population and uniquely vulnerable to domestic violence. Older women are more likely to be bound by traditional and cultural ideology that prevents them from leaving an abusive spouse or from seeing themselves as a victim. Older women are very often financially dependent on their abusive spouse and do not have access to the financial resources they need to leave an abusive relationship. Many older women find themselves isolated from their family, friends and community, due to their spouses' neglect and abuse. This is especially true because older women suffer greater rates of chronic illness, which makes them dependent upon their spouses or caregivers and thus, reluctant or unable to report abuse. Rural battered women face lack of resources, isolation, small town politics, few if any support agencies, and poor or little transportation and communication systems in addition to the other complications of intimate partner violence that is intensified by the rural lifestyle. Sexist, racist, misogynist, anti-semitic and homophobic language and actions are often more acceptable in rural communities, and attitudes seem slower to change. The patriarchal "good old boys" network, fundamentalist religious teachings, deep-rooted cultural traditions and commonly accepted sexual stereotyping can form a chorus of accusations that the battered rural woman is unfaithful in her role as a woman, wife and mother. The act of leaving the homeplace, land and animals that could depend on her may be emotionally wrenching leaving the battered rural woman surrounded by walls of guilt and self-abasement. Same sex battering is one person's use of physical, sexual or emotional violence or the threat of violence or the fear of outing to gain and maintain control over another and sweeps the entire population regardless of culture, race, occupation, income level and degree of physical or cognitive ability. Although battering is occasionally an isolated act, once it begins, it often continues and escalates in frequency and severity. In addition, the fear of homophobic and hostile law enforcement, judiciary, court personnel, medical and social service providers and domestic violence programs may keep lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and Intersex victims of same sex violence from leaving their abusive relationship and seeking help. Teen dating violence may be one of the major sources of violence in teen life. Even in the best of circumstances, the passage from childhood to adulthood is often one of awkwardness and unease. When that passage is marked with danger and violence that explodes in relationships, then the journey into adulthood becomes even more overwhelmingly complex. Given that social, cultural, religious and family messages about intimacy and relationships between teens can be confusing, misleading, nonexistent or even unhealthy, many teens find themselves unsure of what to expect and how to behave in dating or intimate relationships. Fear, misconceptions, lack of services, low self-esteem, control by the abuser, peer pressure and concern about family response all combine to keep battered teens trapped in silence and secrecy. Mental AbuseLeading a happy and content life is important for every individual. You may be
the richest or the smartest person alive but you cannot lead a good life unless you are tension free. Additionally, relationships cannot work for long if you are not happy. Many of us are aware that physical violence is a type of domestic abuse but not many people know about mental abuse. Mental and verbal attacks are not taken as abuse by many of us. But the kinds of effects you suffer from any kind of abuse are devastating. A majority of the population is unaware of the recognition of mental abuse. Facing your problem of mental abuse requires courage. Mental abuse can happen in any form and to anyone. One of the most common victims of mental abuse is a spouse. This form of abuse can be in the type of yelling, screaming, hurling insults, nagging, manipulation, and telling the sufferer “if you loved me you would….” After sometime the victim experiences physical symptoms because of the abuse. The symptoms that victims suffer are tension headaches, stomach aches, panic attacks, ulcers and consistent stress and worry. It is a critical situation and needs to be taken care of immediately. It is very common for the sufferer of mental abuse to lash out at others as he is unable to do the same with abuser. They stay conscious, cannot focus on a particular discussion and usually attack others verbally. They may cut off completely from social interactions and situations. They constantly try to avoid confrontation and attack from the abuser. They may lose their confidence level and start thinking that they deserve to be abused. People suffering from the problem of mental abuse have to be taken special care off. His or her family must understand his reactions and should stay calm at his unexpected reactions. The abuser usually cannot stop his or her ways of abusing the victim therefore it is important to make him/her understand what the abuser is actually doing. If you suspect someone in your family, friends or relatives is suffering from this problem then you must talk to them and give them the support they need. It is important for a person going through such mental exertion to recover soon or else his situation can further deteriorate. Mental abuse causes either physical or mental pain and makes the victim hate the abuser deeply. Abuse in general form affects self worth, self esteem, and a person’s ability to trust others and themselves. A person may also lose his ability to love others and develop any kind of care or feelings for even his friends and family. This mechanism is known as self protection mechanism. In this mechanism a person stops caring for others so that he is able to protect himself from getting hurt when people he love and care for suffer from any problem. The cycle of any form of mental abuse must be stopped. Generally, an abuser may or may not know about the mental state of the victim. He might be constantly shouting and nagging at the abuser for no reasons thus making the victim believe that he has to get used to such treatment no matter what. There is no medicine that can help a victim come out of this stage but one can surely be treated by showing him the reality and making him fight the statements of the abuser and confront him. Source: www.mentalabuse.com Sexual AbuseSexual assault is a crime of violence and aggression, not passion, and
encompasses a continuum of sexual activity that ranges from sexual coercion to contact abuse (unwanted kissing, touching, or fondling) to forcible rape (1). Because definitions vary among states, sexual assault is sometimes used interchangeably with rape. Rape is defined as forced sexual intercourse, including vaginal, anal, or oral penetration by a body part or object (2). Sexual assault, or rape, often is further characterized to include acquaintance rape, date rape, statutory rape, child sexual abuse, and incest. These terms generally relate to the age of the victim and her relationship to the abuser. Acquaintance and date rape refer to sexual assaults committed by someone known to the victim. Instances in which the perpetrator has a close familial relationship to the victim generally are defined as incest. Statutory rape refers to consensual sexual intercourse with a female younger than a specified age. The age at which an adolescent may consent to sexual intercourse varies by state and ranges from 14 years to 18 years. Sexual assault occurring in childhood also is defined by most states as child abuse. Childhood sexual abuse is further defined by the Child Abuse and Prevention Act as "the employment, use, persuasion, inducement, enticement, or coercion of any child to engage in, or assist any other person to engage in, any sexually explicit conduct or simulation of such conduct for the purpose of producing a visual depiction of such conduct; or the rape, and in cases of caretaker or interfamilial relationships, statutory rape, molestation, prostitution, or other form of sexual exploitation of children, or incest with children" (3). Psychologic and Mental Health Consequences of Sexual Assault A woman who is sexually assaulted loses control over her life during the period of the assault. After the assault, a rape-trauma syndrome often occurs. The acute phase, or disorganization phase, may last for days to weeks and is characterized by physical reactions such as generalized pain throughout the body, eating and sleep disturbances, and emotional reactions such as anger, fear, anxiety, guilt, humiliation, embarrassment, self-blame, and mood swings (1, 12). The next phase, the delayed (or organization) phase, is characterized by flashbacks, nightmares, and phobias as well as somatic and gynecologic symptoms. This phase often occurs in the weeks and months after the event and may involve major life adjustments (1, 12). Posttraumatic stress disorder may be a long-term consequence of sexual assault. Posttraumatic stress disorder is characterized by a cluster of symptoms involving re-experiencing the trauma, avoidance, and being in a state of hyperarousal (13). These symptoms may not appear for months or even years after a traumatic experience. Alcohol abuse, including binge drinking, and illicit drug use and dependence have a long-term association with sexual assault. A survey of women seeking substance abuse treatment found that prevalence rates of completed rape or other type of sexual assault were 64.2% and 44.8%, respectively (14). Source: www.acog.org Marital RapeMarital rape is any unwanted sexual acts by a spouse or
ex-spouse, committed without consent and/or against a person's will, obtained by force, or threat of force, intimidation, or when a person is unable to consent. These sexual acts include intercourse, anal or oral sex, forced sexual behavior with other individuals, and other sexual activities that are considered by the victim as degrading, humiliating, painful, and unwanted. It is also referred to as spousal rape and wife rape. Marital rape is considered a criminal offense in many countries including
Argentina, Australia, Austria, Barbados, Belize, Bulgaria, Canada, Croatia, Cyprus, Denmark, Ecuador, England, the Fiji Islands, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Honduras, Hong Kong, Ireland, Israel, Macedonia, Mexico, Namibia, Nepal, The Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, The Philippines, Poland, South Africa, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sweden, Taiwan, Trinidad/Tobago, the United States, Uzbekistan, and Zimbabwe. (Country Reports on Human Rights Practices released by the US State Department, Bureau of Democracy, Human Rights and Labor, were used to determine countries' legal status of marital rape.) It should be noted, however, that cultural norms and the perceived social stigma attached to rape often discourage the reporting of marital rape, and prosecution is very rare in many countries. Until 1976, marital rape was legal in every state in the United States. Although marital rape is now a crime in all 50 states in the U.S., some states still don't consider it as serious as other forms of rape. The only states that have laws that make no distinction between marital rape and stranger rape are Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Massachusetts, Montana, Nebraska, New Jersey, New Mexico, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oregon, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Wisconsin and the District of Columbia. These states have no marital rape exemptions. Additionally, marital rape is a crime under international law according to the UN General Assembly. Marital rape was specifically mentioned in the Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action. Source: www.marraige.about.com/cs/maritalrape/ Cycle Of AbuseThe goal of an abuser is control. They want you to behave
only in the ways in which they want you to behave. They achieve this control with abuse. The cycle of abuse is a huge part of your answer to "How did this happen to me?" For years, you have very likely been feeling that you have been going around in circles... not getting anywhere. Your feelings are correct. You have likely kept on trying and trying your best to resolve issues and doing everything in your power to try to stop your partner's abusive behavior... and nothing has worked. Nothing has worked because he doesn't want to stop controlling you and abuse is his method of doing it. Look what has happened to you! Your "failure" to stop the abuse and "failure" to resolve issues, has very likely set up feelings of helplessness within you because you can't seem to make anything better no matter how hard you try. As you keep trying, and failing, these feelings of helplessness grow. Your once healthy ego and sense of pride begin to slip away and your sense of self-worth is shattered. You lose confidence in yourself and your abilities. The combination of abuse and your failed efforts to stop it: erode your self-confidence, devastate your self-esteem and destroy your sense of self-worth. You become fearful, insecure and dependent. Everything in your life eventually revolves around your abuser, their moods and their needs. You become a non-person, and as such, you are reduced to existing as your abuser's "possession" or "provider." You can't change your partner no matter how hard you try. You can't love him enough to make her stop abusing you. Only he can change herself or make the decision to stop being abusive. The Cycle of Abuse keeps you fearful and off balance both emotionally and psychologically. Look at the diagram of the cycle shown below... you will most certainly recognize this vicious and devastating wheel spinning within your abusive relationship. Source: www.heart-2heart.ca/page5.htm |
Drug Abuse & AddictionSome people are able to use recreational or prescription drugs without ever
experiencing negative consequences or addiction. For many others, substance use can cause problems at work, home, school, and in relationships, leaving you feeling isolated, helpless, or ashamed. If you’re worried about your own or a friend or family member’s drug use, it’s important to know that help is available. Learning about the nature of drug abuse and addiction—how it develops, what it looks like, and why it can have such a powerful hold—will give you a better understanding of the problem and how to best deal with it. Understanding drug use, drug abuse, and addiction People experiment with drugs for many different reasons. Many first try drugs out of curiosity, to have a good time, because friends are doing it, or in an effort to improve athletic performance or ease another problem, such as stress, anxiety, or depression. Use doesn’t automatically lead to abuse, and there is no specific level at which drug use moves from casual to problematic. It varies by individual. Drug abuse and addiction is less about the amount of substance consumed or the frequency, and more to do with the consequences of drug use. No matter how often or how little you’re consuming, if your drug use is causing problems in your life—at work, school, home, or in your relationships—you likely have a drug abuse or addiction problem. Why do some drug users become addicted, while others don’t? As with many other conditions and diseases, vulnerability to addiction differs from person to person. Your genes, mental health, family and social environment all play a role in addiction. Risk factors that increase your vulnerability include:
Drug addiction and the brain Addiction is a complex disorder characterized by compulsive drug use. While each drug produces different physical effects, all abused substances share one thing in common: repeated use can alter the way the brain looks and functions.
How drug abuse and addiction can develop Learn how drugs block emotions Watch a 3 -min. video: Roadblocks to awareness
People who experiment with drugs continue to use them because the substance either makes them feel good, or stops them from feeling bad. In many cases, however, there is a fine line between regular use and drug abuse and addiction. Very few addicts are able to recognize when they have crossed that line. While frequency or the amount of drugs consumed don’t in themselves constitute drug abuse or addiction, they can often be indicators of drug-related problems. The good news is that with the right treatment and support, you can counteract the disruptive effects of drug use and regain control of your life. The first obstacle is to recognize and admit you have a problem, or listen to loved ones who are often better able to see the negative effects drug use is having on your life. 5 Myths about Drug Abuse and Addiction MYTH 1: Overcoming addiction is a simply a matter of willpower. You can stop using drugs if you really want to. Prolonged exposure to drugs alters the brain in ways that result in powerful cravings and a compulsion to use. These brain changes make it extremely difficult to quit by sheer force of will. MYTH 2: Addiction is a disease; there’s nothing you can do about it. Most experts agree that addiction is a brain disease, but that doesn’t mean you’re a helpless victim. The brain changes associated with addiction can be treated and reversed through therapy, medication, exercise, and other treatments. MYTH 3: Addicts have to hit rock bottom before they can get better. Recovery can begin at any point in the addiction process—and the earlier, the better. The longer drug abuse continues, the stronger the addiction becomes and the harder it is to treat. Don’t wait to intervene until the addict has lost it all. MYTH 4: You can’t force someone into treatment; they have to want help. Treatment doesn’t have to be voluntary to be successful. People who are pressured into treatment by their family, employer, or the legal system are just as likely to benefit as those who choose to enter treatment on their own. As they sober up and their thinking clears, many formerly resistant addicts decide they want to change. MYTH 5: Treatment didn’t work before, so there’s no point trying again. Recovery from drug addiction is a long process that often involves setbacks. Relapse doesn’t mean that treatment has failed or that you’re a lost cause. Rather, it’s a signal to get back on track, either by going back to treatment or adjusting the treatment approach. Signs and symptoms of drug abuse and drug addiction Although different drugs have different physical effects, the symptoms of addiction are similar. See if you recognize yourself in the following signs and symptoms of substance abuse and addiction. If so, consider talking to someone about your drug use. Common signs and symptoms of drug abuse
Common signs and symptoms of drug addiction
Warning signs that a friend or family member is abusing drugs Drug abusers often try to conceal their symptoms and downplay their problem. If you’re worried that a friend or family member might be abusing drugs, look for the following warning signs: Physical warning signs of drug abuse
Behavioral signs of drug abuse
Psychological warning signs of drug abuse
Warning Signs of Commonly Abused Drugs
Warning signs of teen drug abuse While experimenting with drugs doesn’t automatically lead to drug abuse, early use is a risk factor for developing more serious drug abuse and addiction. Risk of drug abuse also increases greatly during times of transition, such as changing schools, moving, or divorce. The challenge for parents is to distinguish between the normal, often volatile, ups and downs of the teen years and the red flags of substance abuse. These include:
Getting help for drug abuse and drug addiction Finding help and support for drug addiction
Recognizing that you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery, one that takes tremendous courage and strength. Facing your addiction without minimizing the problem or making excuses can feel frightening and overwhelming, but recovery is within reach. If you’re ready to make a change and willing to seek help, you can overcome your addiction and build a satisfying, drug-free life for yourself. Support is essential to addiction recovery Don’t try to go it alone; it’s all too easy to get discouraged and rationalize “just one more” hit or pill. Whether you choose to go to rehab, rely on self-help programs, get therapy, or take a self-directed treatment approach, support is essential. Recovering from drug addiction is much easier when you have people you can lean on for encouragement, comfort, and guidance. Support can come from:
When a loved one has a drug problem If you suspect that a friend or family member has a drug problem, here are a few things you can do:
But Don’t
Adapted from: National Clearinghouse for Alcohol & Drug Information When your teen has a drug problem Discovering your child uses drugs can generate fear, confusion, and anger in parents. It’s important to remain calm when confronting your teen, and only do so when everyone is sober. Explain your concerns and make it clear that your concern comes from a place of love. It’s important that your teen feels you are supportive. Five steps parents can take:
Next steps... Recovering from drug addiction. Addiction is a complex problem that affects every aspect of your life. Overcoming it requires making major changes to the way you live, deal with problems, and relate to others. Learn about the tools that can help you on your journey to sobriety. Read Overcoming Drug Addiction. |
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