I"ve always been told to learn from your past mistakes, and never repeat them. I figured that one out a long time ago. I have made horrible mistakes, with family, friends, my kids, and with my relationships.  In my heart of heart of hearts I know that I have changed, and that I can be trusted again. I, like most recovering  addicts we think that  we should be trusted automatically, not realizing that it takes time to rebuild that trust, and heal the hurt between friends and family. I have lost close friends, and it now hurts deeply that I can't repair those relationships. I want that old friend back, but somewhere along the way I hurt them so badly  they don't want any part of me. I have tried to make my amends, and that is all I can do, with the exception of keep on doing what I am doing now, and stay clean, and stay true to my self.  You may know the old saying: "when you go through hard times you find out who your true friends are", well for me I ended up with no friends. I have made new friends since, and have ran into the old ones,and each of them know me as a different person. I see these girls that have had a best friend since they were in the 3rd grade and it bothers me. I want that! I feel jealous, I feel angry at myself,and most of all I get sad. Since getting sick I realize how precious how life can be, and I just want to spend the rest od my life to the fullest the best I can, and for me I am still missing that one part of me. That true friend since childhood who knows everything about me, that I can talk to,  and because of my past, they may never be in my present or my future. But what I do know  is that ....Love Never Fails.

Me Again
8/16/2012 03:31:44 am

You can rebuild trust by proving you are worthy. You make amens for mistakes, come clean for your wrongs, and people will see that you have changed. Transformation is possible for everyone. It takes time, nothing happens over night except dreams and nightmares. Continue to be the person that you want to be be, proving that you can be trusted, and those relationships wil heal! If they do not, that you have done all you can and the other person has their own work to do.


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