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The month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. It always seems so be over shadowed by  Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I don't want any one to think that I think any less of cancer survivors, because to me we are all one in the same. WE ARE SURIVORS!!! We looks death in the face, and walked away. Yet, we need to remember their are some that have not been so fortunate. That is where each of these "awareness months" differ.
Domestic Violence is s serious situation! Many women, and some men, are in fear of their lives at this very moment. They don't know how to get away. They don't  know where to go, how to get there, there are children involved, and they are scared, and all alone. The worst thing about it is, they are your next door neighbor, your co-worker, a friend, a family member, and you don't even know about it. Or if you do, you figure it is none of your business. Well, it is your business!! There were many times that I used to scream as loud as I could hoping that someone would call the police, or come knock on the door...just to make it stop.  There would be times that I would purposley show my bruises so that someone would ask me what happened so I could get the courage to tell someone.  No one call the cops, no one knocked at the door, no one asked questions. I felt helpless, and all alone. I finally got the courage to leave for good. I was lucky, he didn't kill me. Not to say he didn't try some times.
People ask, "why did you stay for so long?", when you feel no way out, when he keeps saying he is going to change, and does for a while, it gives you just enough hope that it won't happen till the next time it does. Then the cycle starts over again.
What I ask this month, and everyday of the year, is pay attention to those around you. You may save a life.
And remember....Love Never Fails!


 
 
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I have always loved this time of year, when the leaves turn, the weather starts to turn cooler, and all the holidays start to approach us. This year will be the first year I get to have mychildren with me for all of it. Taking my son trick-or -treating, planning out where to have Thanksgiving Dinner, and them my favorite part Christmas. I love decorating for Christmas. If I could do it today I would!!  This year it is also bitter sweet. I get have everyone I want around me, but have no money do what I want.  I have been fighting for my disiabilty since March, and have come to a point that we almost can not make it anymore. I an terrified to go back to work, I don't know if I can do it. At home,  I am in a stress free environment, and I can do things at my own pace. So my seizures have been few and far between the last couple of months. But what if I go back to work, and they come back. Then I have strart this disability thing all over. If I don't go to work, I don't know  how to pay for the bills , much less buy Christmas presents. You see, my boyfriends overtime at work, that he was gettting regularly, has been cut out along with some other finactial burdens we have occured. My chilren are use to a big almost over the top Christmas, and I  have been trying to find a way to do something for them. There is a program through my local Salvation Army that I believe will help out.  I just hope that I can find a job, that I can do before Christmas, so I can give them the the Christmas I have always wanted to do.
I know God will lead me cause...."Love never fails."


 
 
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I have always had this dream of becoming a writer one day. All my life I have written little things off and on. I guess it started when I was young, I write short stories, poems, and even long love letters to boyfriends. Writing has always been my way of expressing myself to others. Lately the itch to write something something more. That is one of the reasons I started this blog. I thought it may fullfill my need to write again, but instead  it is only leaving me with the feeling that I could do more. That I have something inside of me that needs to come out. that I have this talent as a writer that I have never explored. I am thinking of writing a book. I know that a lot goes into writing a book, but I am a stay at home mom, and I have the time. I have lost focus of what my purpose in llife is, what I want in my life. I lost my original dream, like so many of us do. I want to follow that dream. I want to try to live my dream, and and it can't hurt to try. I will never know what will happen unless I try. So what I am saying to all of you out there is if you have a dream, go for it! Better late than never. Be true to your self, and you can't fail.  Love your self and you can not fail.
Remember..."Love never fails."


 
 
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My mom told me long ago, that one day I will come to her and say "Sorry" for how I behaved as a child. Personally have done that several times to all of my parents, I have come to realize that there is more to saying sorry. There come's a point in your life that you realize you can no longer blame your parents for all your issues and problems in life. We have to take owership, and realize that we messed up.
For many years I blamed my parents divorce, my mom not being around, for all my problems. As I got older, I hated all my parents, felt like they owed me something. All the while acting out, showing my ass, and doing what ever I could for attention, well into my 20's. It affectted peoples lives in so many ways, that I never knew.  As most of you know I have straighted my life out.  I have come to see everyone around me as regular people, even my parents, and have come realize why they made decisions they did, just as they know and understand why I did what I did. I have no reason to blame my parents or anyone else for my issues any longer. I Have let go of all that stuff to have a clear heart and clear mind to move forward in my life. Now it is my turn to be the parent. Have everything bamed on me, and repeat the cycle of life. I feel good about it. I am open and honest with my children, and always will be. So later on when they blame me for all of life hurts, they  know i was honest with them, I kept no, secrets, and they know I always did the best for them. And I constantly remind them that  God said , " Love never fails."