I still carry negative feelings towards my exhusband. I can't let go and forgive him for all that has happened in the past. I try, and try, but it is so hard for me. I don't think that he gets how much he hurt me. I want to punish him and hurt him as much as he has hurt me, but I know that there is no possible way to do that. Sometimes I think, maybe he does know the pain he has caused, but I doubt that. There has now come a point in my life that I can no longer worry about what he has done to me, and worry about the two children that we gave life to. There has been a disconnect between him and the kids for over 6yrs now, he hasn't seen them, except maybe in pictures. I'm not sure if he has talked to them,and I wonder is this fair to the kids. All kids need a father in their life, and if he is willing to stand up, take responsiblity, pay his dues, then he should be able to be apart of the kids lives. Now in my family, others may say different, but that is a story for a different day. I believe that I can put aside all my hurt, anger, and bitterness so that my kids can have a chance with their dad. I just hope and pray that I am making the right decision, and that thier dad will do right by them, so they can have healthy relationships from this day forth. This process may be a slow one for all involved, a one day at a time kind of thing, but I think it can work. As long as we keep God in our hearts, and walk with faith "Love never fails."
Another part ofmy life I don't get into much is the physical violence that went on during my marraige to my childrens father. Evertime I hear the songs "Love the Way You Lie", by Eminem & Rhianna, I describes exactly what I went through. It describes, the cyle of abuse, and why it so hard for many woman to leave. I am just fortunate that I got away before my end was death. Many woman don't leave unless it is in a body bag, and that is a sad fact. We need to be talking about this more. We need to be in peoples bussiness more. If my neighbors had stepped in more, I may have gotten away before I did. If you are involved in a domestic violence situation...GET OUT NOW!!! Love the Way You Lie Pt.1
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry Well, that's alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lieI can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels likeAnd right now there's a steel knife in my windpipeI can't breathe but I still fight while I can fightAs long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight High off of love, drunk from my hateIt's like I'm huffin' paint and I love it, the more I sufferI suffocate and right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates meShe fuckin' hates me, and I love itWait, where you going? I'm leaving you, no, you ain'tCome back, we're running right back, here we go againIt's so insane, 'cause when it's going good, it's going greatI'm Superman with the wind at his backShe's Lois Lane but when it's bad, it's awful, I feel so ashamedI snap, "Who's that dude?", I don't even know his nameI laid hands on her, I never stoop so low againI guess I don't know my own strengthJust gonna stand there and watch me burnWell that's alright because I like the way it hurtsJust gonna stand there and hear me cryWell, that's alright because I love the way you lieI love the way you lieI love the way you lie You ever love somebody so much, you could barely breathe when you with 'em?You meet, and neither one of you even know it hit 'emGot that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah, them chills, used to get 'emNow you're gettin' fuckin' sick of lookin' at 'emYou swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'emNow you're in each others face spewing venom in your words when you spit 'emYou push, pull each others hair, scratch, claw, bit 'emThrow 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're in 'emIt's the race that took over, it controls you bothSo they say you'd best to go your separate ways, guess that they don't know ya'Cause today, that was yesterday, yesterday is over, it's a different daySound like broken records playing overBut you promised her, next time you'd show restraintYou don't get another chance, life is no Nintendo gameBut you lied again, now you get to watch her leave out the windowGuess that's why they call it "window pane"Just gonna stand there and watch me burnWell that's alright because I like the way it hurtsJust gonna stand there and hear me cryWell that's alright because I love the way you lieI love the way you lieI love the way you lie Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't meanAnd we fall back into the same patterns, same routineBut your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as meBut when it comes to love, you're just as blindedBaby, please come back, it wasn't you, baby, it was meMaybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seemsMaybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcanoAll I know is I love you too much to walk away thoughCome inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalkDon't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeballNext time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywallNext time? There won't be no next timeI apologize, even though I know it's liesI'm tired of the games, I just want her back, I know I'm a liarIf she ever tries to fuckin' leave again, I'ma tie her to the bedAnd set this house on fireJust gonna stand there and watch me burnWell that's alright because I like the way it hurtsJust gonna stand there and hear me cryWell that's alright because I love the way you lieI love the way you lieI love the way you lie Read more: EMINEM - LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE LYRICS http://www.metrolyrics.com/love-the-way-you-lie-lyrics-eminem.html#ixzz24NeexKizCopied from MetroLyrics.com | Love the Way You Lie Pt.2 On the first page of our story The future seemed so bright Then this thing turned out so evil I don't know why I'm still surprised Even angels have their wicked schemes And you take that to new extremes But you'll always be my hero Even though you've lost your mind Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that's all right because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that's all right because I Love the way you lie I love the way you lie Ohhh, I love the way you lie [Rihanna's Part 2] Now there's gravel in our voices Glass is shattered from the fight In this tug of war, you'll always win Even when I'm right 'Cause you feed me fables from your hand With violent words and empty threats And it's sick that all these battles Are what keeps me satisfied Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that's all right because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that's all right because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie Ohhh, I love the way you lie [Rihanna's Part 3] So maybe I'm a masochist I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave Til the walls are goin' up In smoke with all our memories [Eminem's Part] This morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face Smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction Hush baby, speak softly, tell me your awfully sorry That you pushed me into the coffee table last night So I can push you off me Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me Run out the room and I'll follow you like a lost puppy Baby, without you, I'm nothing, I'm so lost, hug me Then tell me how ugly I am, but that you'll always love me Then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the Destructive path that we're on, two psychopaths but we Know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs That we'll have each other's backs, 'cause we're that lucky Together, we move mountains, let's not make mountains out of molehills, You hit me twice, yeah, but who's countin'' I may have hit you three times, I'm startin' to lose count But together, we'll live forever, we found the youth fountain Our love is crazy, we're nuts, but I refused counsellin' This house is too huge, if you move out I'll burn all two thousand Square feet of it to the ground, ain't shit you can do about it With you I'm in my f-ckin' mind, without you, I'm out it Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that's all right because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that's all right because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie Ohhh, I love the way you lie Love the way you lie [ Love The Way You Lie Part 2 lyrics from http://www.lyricsyoulove.com/r/rihanna/love_the_way_you_lie_part_2/ |
As a victim of domestic violence it is often hard to describe how I felt during that period of that time of my life. There have been several songs I have found that can describe that for me. | Adele's "Set Fire to the Rain", describes the emotional part of me from beginning to end, and how my relationship evoled over time. This song really resinates with my heart. | I let it fall, my heart And as it fell, you rose to claim it It was dark and I was over Until you kissed my lips and you saved me My hands, they're strong But my knees were far too weak To stand in your arms Without falling to your feet But there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true And the games you play, you would always win, always win But I set fire to the rain Watched it pour as I touched your face Let it burn while I cry 'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name When laying with you I could stay there, close my eyes Feel you here, forever You and me together, nothing is better 'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true And the games you'd play, you would always win, always win But I set fire to the rain Watched it pour as I touched your face Let it burn while I cried 'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name I set fire to the rain And I threw us into the flames Where I felt somethin' die, 'cause I knew that That was the last time, the last time Sometimes I wake up by the door Now that you've gone, must be waiting for you Even now when it's already over I can't help myself from looking for you I set fire to the rain Watched it pour as I touched your face Let it burn while I cried 'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name I set fire to the rain And I threw us into the flames Where I felt somethin' die 'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time, oh Oh, no Let it burn, oh Let it burn Let it burn [ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/adele-lyrics/set-fire-to-the-rain-lyrics.html ]
As long as there is divorce, families will be splitting up and going their seperate ways. Then somewhere along the way someone falls in love again, and a new family is formed, a new complicated family. I myself am a product a divorced parents, and of stepparents getting divorced from my parents. As a child I never saw the politics that came along with divorce. Yes, I knew there were complications, just never really saw the whole picture until now. Combining my children and their family, with my boyfriends daughter and her family, hasn't been as easy as we thought it to be. Everyone involved seems to want what they want for the all the kids, and compromise sometimes seems difficult without hurting someone's feelings. I myself, am a people pleaser, I like it when everyone around me is happy, then I know I have done my job. Pleaseing everyone is getting harder and harder these days. It really bothers me the most when the kids are the ones who feelings are hurt, because after all the rest of us are adults and know what the parameters of the situation are, yet we still make promises that can't be fullfilled. Trying to combine two households into one is hard, I shed tears, so have the kids. Maybe there will never be exact instructions for this element of life, but what I do know is that..... Love Never Fails.
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